Happy Halloween

Dirty Thirty Three

Yes, yes. November 1st is my birthday- All Saints Day and Dios de los Muertos. Sharing the occasion are Lyle Lovett, Toni Collette, Jenny McCarthy and Fernando Valenzuela...


Action-packed weekend planned- Open House tonight. Costume party tomorrow night. Trick or treats with my niece Sunday then to the parade. Monday, my man's taking me shopping for a gift, to a fancy-schmancy dinner and desert (and champagne) at a room with a jacuzzi. Tuesday is all about skee-ball and slices of pizza the size of your head.

Jealous?

Haphazard

*My three-year-old niece left a note on my door the other day: a post-it with scribbles. And called it to Jay's attention as she did so, as if to make sure he told me.

*Two people have already come to see the apartment.

*Bought my man a Set For Life scratch off ticket as a thank you for watching over me and he won $25. He decided to use that money towards 16 Genny Cream Ales for us at the Court Tavern this weekend. WOO-HOO!!

*I absolutely love my new job although one day it may bother me that I'm facilitating corporate greed.

*So, I'm cleaning the bathroom last night and notice on one of the shelves, stupid NonGirlfriend put her toothbrush into my Mirage Marketing pint glass. AARGGHH!!!! Two more months and I'll be done with it all.

*The Gap chords my man bought last weekend look absolutely delicious over his ass.

*One of the things that keeps me intrigued with NYC: Walking to Port Authority last night and pass a couple. The woman stomps her foot and gestures for the man to come to her- with that crazy fixed-eye pissed off look, right? The guy turns around and nonchalantly asks, "What?" And that just sent her over the edge. Coming up on my left is another random person who obviously witnessed the episode because he had a smirk on his face, as did I. "Guess we know who wears the pants in that relationship," I comment to him. "Yeah, I'm just glad I'm not on the receiving end of that," he adds. We laughed heartily in our shaudenfraude and continued our separate ways.

Fresh Copenhagen Chilidogs

Bottom of the Hill newsstand is now closed for good.

Let's have a moment of silence.

The Politics of Love

Continuing along the non sequitur of yesterday:

*Ellen DeGeneres lists in this month's Bazaar why a woman would make a good president. Among my favorites are:
1) Foreign relations would improve because a woman president would just keep calling back saying, "We need to talk."
2) It would reinvigorate the pantsuit industry.
3) Wouldn't you love to see a Secret Service agent holding the presidential purse?
4) A female president would probably introduce more soft, muted tones to the White House. Perhaps after some redecorating, it would be called the Eggshell House.
5) "Hail to the Chief" would be played an octave higher, or it would be replaced entirely by Destiny's Child's "Bootylicious."

*Despite my tough exterior, I'm quite fragile. And yesterday a new chapter was added: allergic reaction to legumes. It could have been the cashews, almonds, hazelnuts, walnuts or brazil nuts (I've since made an appointment for the tests). One minute I'm eating a bag of mixed nuts- next my uvula is swelling and my inner ears itch. I thought for sure I was going to have an anaphylactic episode. With the EpiPen at the ready, a handful of Benedryl goes into my system. But I didn't panic since there was no difficulty breathing.

Okay, an hour and a half later, I get on the bus. My man, all dressed up, is waiting for me at a restaurant downtown (Brumfus), the poor darling. He insisted on bringing me home, put me in bed, made doubly sure I didn't need anything and waited out the potential attach (it usually occurs 6-7 hours after I eat) as I passed out from all the antihistimines pumping through my system. After about five hours sleep, he got up and went to work this morning.

I need to do something really special for him tonight.

It's not easy being green

Saw Ralph Nader speak at Rutgers this weekend (primarily because a friend wanted her picture with him for her X-Mas card). He's such a smart, articulate man. Without a doubt the best candidate for President. Which is precisely why he won't get elected. His ideas are too radical for middle America. But I'm not voting for him. Last year's debacle cannot be repeated.

On a completely unrelated topic: My man said that he hates his last name. So I'm thinking of a name for us because this is the man I will marry (Not anytime soon, people, don't have a cow). I'm leaning towards creating a combo word like Amotesoro (Treasure of Love).....

Six More Shopping Days

Until my birthday, lovers. My favorite color is red.

Crunch Time

Taking my man to the Bronx tonight to experience the vibe.

Sidenote: He's never been and I'm totally hung over from last night's game. Oy!

And When You're Near I Just Can't Sit Still A Minute...

During my lunch break yesterday, I took all the necessary paperwork down to the Sprint store. The rep didn't even look at them -pulled up my account, read through the notes, and promptly credited. The entire conversation lasted five minutes.

Since I now had 55 minutes to kill- walked over to Ricky's for Halloween supplies. My man and I are doing the Big Bad Wolf/Little Red Riding Hood theme since I've always had a special affinity for Tex Avery's Red Hot Riding Hood.



At home, I showed the costumes to Jay. He chuckled remembering the events of last evening at 3am when he ran around the neighborhood in his boxers, a cape and a Dracula mask, knocking on doors and demanding blood. I don't need to mention that alcohol and a dare were involved, do I?

Jesus Titty-Fucking Christ!

AMERICA, fuck yeah!

Went to Virgil's BBQ on Friday night to celebrate K-Dawg's new racket. The only down side is that I'll be craving those hush puppies for a week. Mmmmmmm, maple butter.

Then we saw Team America World Police. Go see it if you want to laugh your ass off...

Met my man's best friend Saturday night. Nice guy. Since I drove (love that PT Cruiser- looks like a hearse), didn't start drinking until we got back to my place. Rum and Coke- yummy!

After we were sufficiently toasted (around 3am), Jay breezes in and just as abruptly starts to leave. I stop him to ask where the hell he's been (since he blew off a bunch of friends who kept coming by the house looking for him). He was giving some lame explanation, I notice the butt of his (plastic BB) gun sticking out of his pocket.

"What the hell are you doing with that gun?!" Now this get's my man's attention, who promptly comes to the door.

"Nothing, nothing. I'm just going to kick some kid's ass."

"With a fake gun?! Are you out of your fucking mind?!"

"It's fine, it's fine," he insisted while trying to shut the door on me, "He's nothing." And he splits. My man takes off after him; I'm stuck putting on shoes.

When I finally leave the house, NonGirlfriend walking up to the door. Ushering her with me while giving the skinny, we get to the block where there should have been a big commotion. I thought for sure there'd be fists flying.

Apparently, the kid (who NonGF explained to be a big, black guy- with three friends) took off. Jay and my man went back to our place.

Naturally, it involved the guy grabbing NonGF's ass- or she grabbed his and blamed Jay- I have no idea. We were all crocked. The entire thing was ridiculous.

The bottom line is suburban domestic bliss can't happen soon enough.

Can ya hear me now, Muthafuckahs?!

I just spent an hour, the worst hour of recent days, on the phone with an agent and three other "supervisors" at Sprint PCS.

Here's the deal:

I had an extra on my plan that for $5 a month, my unlimited night and weekend calls started at 7pm (as opposed to 9pm with the regular plan).

I decided to cancel that and did so via their website on September 30th. I received a notification (on the site and via email) that it will go into effect the next billing cycle. (Cycles start on the 7th of the month and end the 6th of the next month). So, the cancellation would go into effect October 7th, right?

WRONG!!!

When I received the bill for this particular cycle, calls made on October 6th after 7pm were charged as if the plan had already gone into effect (totaling approx $40- effectively doubling the bill).

When I called to clarify, all four representatives said that the cancellation goes into effect the day before the billing cycle ends (October 5th), regardless of notification I received.

When I tried to explain that I already paid for services from September 7th to October 6th (they bill a month in advance for premium services) and was notified that the cancellation will not take effect until next billing cycle, I am not responsible for the charges.

All representatives said that is Sprint policy (to cancel the day before the cycle ends) and FLAT OUT refused to credit my bill, "If we credit your account, we have to credit everyone's account!" But offered to connect me with the IT department to make a suggestion on how to correct the site.

One "supervisor" said she would not give credit because of a note (on my account) not to do as such (from one of the previous three losers). I wanted to speak with someone higher up that could.... She said there was no one in the entire company that could over-ride a supervisor's note. I then asked if I were indeed speaking to the CEO of Sprint.

She promptly hung up after I asked to connect me with her supervisor, since it now had nothing to do with billing so much as lousy customer service.

A complaint to the BBB and FCC later, I researched Sprint's policy. Yeah, it says the last day, not the day before. So I printed that honey up, since the FCC wants me to send supporting documents.

It's not even the $40 now- it's the principal of the matter. They're fucking with the wrong bitch.

And, yes, it has been a slow day at the office.

How Now Brown Cow?

Alright, welp- Jay has decided to move in with NonGirlfriend. One of her roommates is leaving at the end of December, so they are taking her bedroom (much bigger than the rest) and will rent out NonGF's instead.

Upon reviewing the lease, we can break it but will have to pay rent until occupied (or lease runs out, obviously whichever comes first). Hopefully, they'll be able to get someone in there by January 1st. But seriously, what's their incentive to have it rented a.s.a.p. if they're getting paid either way? I'll trust time is on my side.

Get over here, you damn ducks!

Last night, my man asked me to move in with him. Naturally, I told him to get knotted.

C'mon! You know I said yes! Yes! A thousand times YES!

Now there's just the small matter of the lease (at my appartment), my brother and how the fuck I'm gonna get to work. Maybe I'll just break down and buy a car already (hmm, maybe I shouldn't put break-down and car in the same sentence) cause my New Brunswick parking pass is good until next June.

So, here's to hoping everything falls into place in time for the sweet baby Jesus' birthday. That'd be a loverly gift.

Smalbany

This town is really, really, really..........

slow

I'm leaving the office now to see what kind of trouble I can scare up- if any.

I Can't Believe It's Not Boyfriend™

Okay, I have to tear through this post cause my new position as a Customer Service Associate (or as the rest of the world calls it, paralegal) is extremely demanding on my time.

This may be my only post this week as I will be in our Albany office for training starting tomorrow. So if anyone wants to come up to the state capital and party with me- you're more than welcome. Got a room on the company dime....we could order some expensive champagne and cheap women.....

Also, last night I dreamt that I cheated on my boyfriend with the singer from Modest Mouse. He lived in some hippie commune with one bathroom at the end of the hall and cats in cages being fed pygmy marmosetts. Disgusting.

And over the weekend, I had a dream that I was dating Fabio! We were at Ricky's (where I actually saw him a few months back hocking his cheezy wears) picking out wigs for the Halloween Parade.

And I'm wondering if this is some sort of subconscious self sabotage because I think my man's too good for me.

He really is wonderful, you know.

Oh! And check this- Out of the blue, my brother-in-law calls me up, saying that he'd like to take us all out for dinner Saturday night! (Jay, sis and the baby, boyfriend and me) How bout them apples? I think we're on our way to becoming one big, happy family!

But then of course, African Swallows are non-migratory.

My man started feeling me up in the middle of Python's Holy Grail last night, and well you know- one thing led to another. It's a tantalizing mix; tossing between furious passion and hysterical laughter.........

Anyway, he's taking me to meet the fam this weekend. And I reeeeeally hope he doesn't have an overbearing mother. Inevitably, those types dislike me. Kinda like a Clash of the Titans situation, I guess. Or maybe the thinly veiled lust in my eyes makes them cringe at the thought of their sweet, innocent boy in the arms of such a harlot.

At least, the latter was the case with your mother, eh Alchemist? Or did she disapprove of me for different reasons entirely?