Folding Faster Than Superman on Laundry Day

Among my uncanny talents (*like picking the absolute wrong line at the grocery store) lies the abilty to manifest the exact opposite of a proclamation the day before. Such as, "Ben Affleck is NEVER going to marry Jennifer Garner."

One of my cubical buddies is all stressed out because she's closing on her house next week. But sighed at the thought of the quickly approaching light at the end of the tunnel. Then said, "You know who's gonna be like this at the end of August? Marietta."

And I was all, "NAAH! So far everything's running smooth as silk. I'm cool."

Enter curveball. Today during lunch with my cousin, she said that another cousin asked her if a certain uncle of ours was invited to the wedding. He, to date, is not.

Let me 'splain. My father has nine brothers and sisters. I have FIFTY first cousins. This could easily be a two hundred guest wedding if I had the scratch. But I don't, so you have to pick and choose.

Now I'm all stressed. The entire family is talking about this and a lot of people are obviously left out.

So, I'm doing what anyone else in my position would do: Cave in. With some guests already responding in the negative, there's room for a few more. What can I say? I'm weak. Just like my damn Roman Catholic Grandparents with their lack of birth control.

*At the Stop&Shop last week: one man ahead of me: Six items, asks for two packs of smokes. Hands cashier a coupon $5 off $20 grocery purchase. Cashier explains that cigarettes do not count towards total bill. He asks, "Since when aren't cigarettes part of the deal?!" And argued his point for the next 15 minutes. Hello! When have they EVER been considered food?! The government agency isn't called Division of Alcohol, Tobacco, Fire Arms and Grocery!

Are You There, God? It's Me, Marietta.

I know you've been there for me more times than I can count: Like when you pushed Little Johny From Upstairs' cat in front of a car so I didn't have to show him my cha-cha. And the time you let me pass off "Immigrant Song" as a sonnet in 12th grade English because I came to class unprepared. Most of all, that BGP in celebration of your son's birthday....

But please, let September get here with the quickness so I can become a housewife. This city wears me down.

It's Official!

I'm having a reception! Three people have RSVP'd. And they're all getting the fish. Which is making me very nervous ever since I watched Airplane! the other night.

In a Row?

The wedding train is truckin' at full speed, now! Mailed out the invitations last week, so there's no backing down. Unless, of course, I'm kidnapped by a couple of Hispanic guys.

Number of invitations sent: 37
Number of guests invited: 69

I swear to Gaad that wasn't planned.