Drunk Dialing**

Dangerous diversion, indeed. So allow me to publicly apologize to my many friends across the country. Last weekend, my husband and I consumed two bottles of wine, lord knows how many beers and then quite a few rum and cokes... He passed out- and since I couldn't have a BGP of one, running my mouth seemed like the next best thing.

At least I'm smart enough (now) to erase any ex's numbers immediately upon dissolution of the relationship for exactly this reason.

I vaguely recall leaving a few slurred messages for friends that did not pick up. Ugh, to be witty on the fly whilst hammered.... the messages invariably start off something like this, "Hello. This is Mrs. Johnson from The Dildo Emporium. I'm afraid our delivery truck is not large enough for your order...."

Although I did horn in on a girl's night out at Radpants' house and was passed around like a Freshman at a frat party. Come to find out a friend is getting married in July. She was very, "I guess I want to spend the rest of my life with him- so if this is what I have to do...feh." Is it so crazy to believe her cavalier attitude is a direct result of an extra special drunken evening we spent together? Ah, memories...

Wait, what was I talking about again? .......Something to do with my sister's boyfriend calling me The Worst Lesbian.

**There should a Breathalyzer device on all phones that does not allow you to dial out once a certain point of intoxication has been met.