All Rise...

JUNE 24--While seated on the bench, an Oklahoma judge used a male enhancement pump, shaved and oiled his nether region, and pleasured himself, state officials charged yesterday in a petition to remove the jurist.

Chief of Detectives of the Sapulpa Police Department, Brant Green, was also present during the murder trial and heard a, "swooshing kind of air, like kind of ch ch," and saw Judge Thompson making some movement with his upper body and arms.

Judge Thompson admitted the penis pump was under the bench during the murder trial. He testified the pump was a gag gift from a friend.

Honestly, baby, it's not mine!